looking back .....

Here it is almost four o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. After watching a re-run of my new favorite show on A&E (CSI:Miami) I signed on to check my email. After checking my email I typed in the addy for my blog and once it was loaded I sat there and looked at it for a long time wondering what I could change . See I have been wanting to make some changes around here for some time and the other night I got the idea to start another blog where I could voice all of my deepest thoughts whether they were good , bad , depressing , happy or what have ya . This idea came about because sometimes I don't voice everything that I need to get out and I just thought maybe to have another place just for that type of thing would be better than using this space for that .

For months now I have wondered what I could do to spice it up in here but I have rarely had time to do much and when I do have time I to tired to be creative . Tonight while staring blankly at my blog a question hit me , "when did things start changing here "? Since I had no clue I decided to so what any person does when a problem arises , go back to the beginning and read each post until I noticed a change . It didn't take me long to find a subtle change in what I was posting . The change was ever so gradual then it took a down hill dive like you wouldn't believe .

The first thing I noticed was around the time that my schedule was picking up and I had less time to do anything much less blog . The second was around September 2005 when my grandmother(my moms mom) started getting worse then in November 2005 when my papaw (my dads dad) was ill and had to have his leg partially amputated . When the big whammy happened was in December 2005 . We had four deaths in 16 days in my family and a horrible stomach virus in the middle of all of that. The first was my grandmother on December 19,2005, the second was my great uncle on December 26, 2005,the third was my papaw on December 31,2005, and the fourth was my other great uncle on January 3, 2006. You read that right , my papaw and his two living brothers died that close together . Within eight days they all three were gone leaving one sister. That was a very tough time for me and since then my posts have went down hill . It seems that in the past two years my family and I have had more sickness than we have ever had before and I blogged about every bit of it . Who wants to read that crap ?

This is something I really want to change because after reading through my archives from start until now I found that I use to be funny on here . Every now and again in the past I would post a silly but fun meme that I had been tagged with or I posted funny little jokes or I posted about everyday life in my house which can be funnier than any joke you can find . Another thing that bothers me is a series I started but never finished on here regarding abused , molested or kidnapped children. I posted one post of that series and didn't touch it again because I had so much information but not enough time to really put it all down the way I wanted it . I had been doing research for that series for months , I had a spiral notebook half full with excerpts , addresses for other sites, nationally known stories of children abducted , lots of information on the people who commit these crimes and a lot more but when I decided not to finish the series I threw the notebook away .

Can any of you see where I am going with this or more to the point , my opinion regarding on why my blogging hasn't been up to par ? It all revolves around one four letter word , T-I-M-E . My time has been stretched beyond the limits this past year and I have promised , in more than one post , to do better or make more time but thus far I haven't done that . Not that I haven't tried because I have , things just don't work out that well for me where time is concerned due to the fact that there are only so many hours in a day and so much I have to do each day . I am not complaining about the things that fill my time , only about how fast life is passing me by lately .

The things that fill my time are not bad things but I am not taking any time for me anymore . I normally don't do the New Years Resolution thing but this year I think I am going to do one . I want to take out time each day for me and me alone . It doesn't matter if it is two hours or five minutes as long as it is just for me .

Reading through my old posts and comments on each post , there were times I was laughing and there were also times I cried . I have met some really awesome people on here and the majority of you are still with me . There are two dudes that I really , really , really miss but I communicate with one of the through email and the other is hit and miss on yahoo . You all are such a huge part of my life and I don't want to lose that connection with you , any of you . I know that if I need advice one or more of you are there to give it , when I am excited about something different with our new home being built this is the first place I want to come because I love sharing that with you all . When I can't help but brag on my kids for some accomplishment of theirs it is you all that are here to brag with me . When I want to celebrate birthdays in my family it is you all that celebrate with me and I thank you for all of that , it means so much to me .

Another thing I noticed was chatting on Yahoo. I was on Yahoo the other night and Susie was on , she and I had a nice chat . Earlier tonight I chatted with Logo and Susie and I LOVED it because I haven't ever really had the time to do that . There are several of you that I have never chatted with on Yahoo, we only communicate through the comment sections of our blogs and every now and again we swap an email . This has to change ! It doesn't matter if we get to chat for two minutes or ten so long as we get to . Susie and I didn't chat long nor did Logo and I but I enjoyed as much as if I had chatted with them for hours .Not that I am asking each of you to chat with me every day , I am just saying that I want to have time and I am going to make sure I have time to sign on to Yahoo at least once a day from here on out . I am going to be stubborn about this changing business too because that is the only way I will make a change . Once I really set my mind to it you can forget it because I am forging on .

So from now on look for better , more lively posts on here and look for me on Yahoo messenger when you sign on because I just might be on ! Another thing is that I want to thank each and every one of you for being such good friends to me . It means so much !

Now , y'all have a good night er...um.... day and I will talk to you later !!!


***For Christmas pics and new pics of our land and building , check out the post below.***