Joke time.....

I am sick so my brain isn't working correctly due to a fever therefore I have nothing pressing to post , so I thought maybe a joke or so to liven the place up ! Enjoy !!!
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Good book report...

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by BillClinton. One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the
proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave
him an A+ for this report:

Titanic -- $29.99
Clinton -- $29.99

Titanic -- Over 3 hours to read
Clinton -- Over 3 hours to read

Titanic -- The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton -- The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic -- Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton -- Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic -- In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton -- Ditto for Bill.

Titanic -- During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton -- Ditto for Monica.

Titanic -- Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton -- Let's not go there.

Titanic -- Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton -- Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic -- Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton -- Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic -- Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton -- Monica...oooooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic -- Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton -- Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.

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A Blonde Picnic

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking
for a place to stop and picnic. The first blonde says,
"Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of
the road."
They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in
the middle of the road.
All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to
swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one blonde says to the other,
"See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

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What the hell are you doing ?

As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

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Have a wonderful Hump Day !!!!!