just a little talk ...

Hey all . I am posting tonight because I just need to talk a bit and I don't really know what to say so I am just going to let it flow out . I am not doing too good right now . As most of you know , this past year has been really rough for my family because we have had a lot of deaths . It seems like just when we get to the point of not being uncomfortable when the phone rings that someone else passes and I am so sick and tired of it . I am tired of mourning for those that I love who have gone on . I believe that God would never put anything on us that we can't handle but I will tell you that I am pretty close to the point of not being able to handle anything else .

You see , Saturday evening I was at a friends house for an open house Home Interiors party and my husband called . I answered and I could tell immediately that something wasn't right but I thought that maybe my son had got sicker because he had a stomach virus . All my husband would say was " you need to come home honey " . Finally I was starting to panic and I told him that I wasn't moving until he told me what was wrong . I could tell that he was struggling with what he wanted to say and I figured either someone has passed away or they are close to but who could it be ? After a minute my husband told me that my uncle had come home from work and found my aunt dead . I don't remember much after that except for not being able to breathe and my friends calming voice in my ear as she held me .

The thing of it is , the aunt that passed was my favorite aunt . She kept me from Monday to Friday when I was a small child because my mom and dad both worked jobs that required long hours and my brother was in school so I stayed with my aunt and uncle . Once I started school I would go spend the weekend with them . To make a long story short my aunt , uncle and their two daughters are like a second family to me because I spent so much time with them as a child . Her death has come as such a huge shock to most everyone in my family . We all knew that she hadn't been feeling well for the past few months but she was seeing a doctor and nothing bad was wrong . She did have a bad heart and we are pretty sure that while she slept saturday evening that her heart just gave out . She went in her sleep so it was a peaceful passing and I thank God for that . There is one thing here that blesses my heart more than anything ever could . I am a christian and I believe that the only way to heaven is through Jesus Christ .I am not telling you this because I want everyone of you to believe the way I do , I am just telling you how my family and I believe. My aunt had never been saved but she had started going to church about three months ago . Last sunday night she went to the alter and accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior .

Even though that blesses my heart , it doesn't make the loss hurt any less . To be completely honest with you , I am tore up pretty bad over this . Maybe that is because it was so sudden , I don't know. I can't sleep and nothing sits well on my stomach at this time , I have cried enough tears to fill a river and I can't seem to stop . I dread the service coming up on wednesday night and the burial on thursday because I haven't saw her yet and it all seems like a bad dream to me now but when I see her the reality of her death will be upon me . It is hard because part of me is rejoicing because she was saved and the other part of me is so sad because I will never hear her voice again or see her smile , hear her laugh , not on this earth anyways. I just ask you all to pray for my family and I because I am not the only one that is a basket case right now , we all seem to walk around like zombies . Have any of you ever had to write the obituary for someone you loved ? Let me tell you it is one of the hardest things you will do , last night was the second time in my life I have done it but my uncle and two cousins asked me to help them and I wouldn't have said no to them for nothing in the world . I am sorry to be posting this but I just needed to talk and I don't want to burden my husband . He has been such a blessing to me through all of the deaths that we have had this year and I seriously don't know what I would do without him because at night when I go to bed and can't sleep because I can't quit crying , it is his arms that hold me , his voice that reassures me and his heart that prays with me for peace so I can sleep . I will tell you all this , I am so glad that I am a child of God because without Him I would have fallen apart by now . My favorite poem of all time is "Footprints in the Sand" and in this time I know that He is there , my soul can feel His whispers of peace but the flesh and blood part of me can't quit weeping . I can't wait until the day that I don't have to worry about losing those I love and I will be with the ones that have gone before me . That belief keeps me going through every single death that comes along .

Thank you all for listening to me . If there is someone in your life that you love , give them a call or go see them tomorrow and tell them because we are not promised another breath and you never know when they will be taken from you or you from them . God bless each and everyone of you . Good night . :)